The Truth Comes Out

Free illustration courtesy of Pixabay.com.

It's been two years since my last post. Two years of shattered dreams, broken hearts, and simply surviving. My life now looks NOTHING like it did two years ago. But, my life two years ago honestly didn't look anything like how I portrayed it, either

I didn't mean to lie, or mislead, or even hide the truth. There was only a small part of me, buried deep inside, that realized that my reality and what I actually portrayed to the world weren't the same. Years of fear, manipulation, pain, rejection, and denial will do that to you. When the truth is too painful, too frightening to face, you force yourself to live in a fantasy. And that fantasy becomes your safe place, even as it also becomes your prison.

At first, in the early months of marriage, I didn't know anything was wrong. I felt like something wasn't right - that this wasn't what I expected - but what newlywed doesn't feel that way? But, it was more than that. Slowly the codependence, the manipulation, the instability, the lies grew. Like a frog that's placed in cold water before its slowly brought to a boil, I didn't realize the danger before it was almost too late.

But, God is good!
He IS The Rescuer, The Redeemer, The Warrior - and He was faithful.

"Beloved, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor let you down nor relax my hold on you." (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)

"For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribes. He executes justice for the fatherless and widows (husbandless), and loves the sojourner (the wanderer), giving them food and clothes." (Deut. 10:17-18)

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." (Isaiah 43:1-3)

Somehow, only by His provision, my sweet girl and I escaped. And, while those five years did leave wounds, they were fewer and shallower than they might have been.

The truth is...
My life looks NOTHING like it did two years ago. It's exponentially better! I now appreciate what I so long ago took for granted. Safety. Sanity. Peace. Stability. A life without fear, anxiety, trauma.

Like a wild horse, retaking its freedom after years of fences, gates and masters....Like a bird, taking to the skies after looking at the world through the bars of its cage....Freedom is slowly turning my wounds into scars and those scars into wings.